![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
The Truth Is, At Best, A Partially Told Story.
Jan. 28th, 2008
01:01 pm - finally!
what is the best way i know to spell love? m-a-t-t. he's amazing and wonderful and makes my heart fly. he is my darling, my love and with him, all my dreams are within reach. he's far better than anyone one i had before.
speaking of, what was wrong with me? raleigh? HA! what a joke. why on earth was i with that loser. he was so pathetic... oh, well. you live, you learn... you dump worthless trash like him.
i'm on and up to better things and getting married to Mr. Wonderful.
life is sweet.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/loved.gif){kind=small}
m-a-t-tSep. 19th, 2007
12:19 pm - the chopping block
i was on it. they stitched me back together. it has been good so far. i'm gonna make those pet shop bastards pay.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/devious.gif){kind=small}
deviousJan. 16th, 2007
06:08 pm - grrrr.
0110100100100000011101000110100001101001
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/curious.gif){kind=small}
confusedDec. 28th, 2006
07:28 am - Happiness??
i don't know why but i was looking at some pictures of my friend from his birthday and i just couldn't help but think, "wow, he's really truely happy." i'm glad for it too. i think he's a great man and deserves to be happy. but deep down, i'm scared for him. what is gonna happen if one day the cause of his happiness goes away? will he be a miserable as he was before... or worse??
Dec. 26th, 2006
05:48 am - Fuck List Update
Things i hate:
Steve (don't know his last name)
liars
people who cheat
my sister's new boyfriend and the fact she's still with her old one too
people who can't shut up
Jason Warner
not having gas money
BEING SINGLE
things that break as soon as you get them home
...
to be continued.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/angry.gif){kind=small}
GRRRR!Sep. 7th, 2006
02:21 pm - assholes always find me.
congradulate me for being stupid for i have done it AGAIN!!!! i succeeded in finding the biggest asshole in the state of georgia and i befriend that bastard! i seriously think there must be something wrong with me. looking back on the time i spent with him makes me ill. i seriously want to vomit just when i think of what i did for him (non-sexual acts), the ways i helped him take steps toward getting what he wanted in his life. i thought he was a friend but i'm sad to say i was terribly mistaken. he is a piece of shit. if anyone reads this, please be aware. i think i'm gonna start and "fuck list" of all the things and people i fucking hate.
first entree:
FUCK LIST (to all these things i say "fuck you".)
Randall Laverne (that's his real middle name) Curby of Cairo, Georgia
Prince Valik Pendragon a.k.a Shawn of Lakewood, Ohio
pissed offJun. 23rd, 2006
07:49 pm - Georgia
i'm in georgia now. i like the warm weather. i like the people so far... but i'm so BORED. cause the person i came to visit won't do anything... he just sits around all damn day and we don't go anywhere. grrr. but im still glad i came.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/sad.gif){kind=small}
boredApr. 28th, 2006
04:39 am - California...
Ok, where to begin... been a while since my last "update" and so much has happened. Unfortunately, it all happened so fast that I will try my best to remember it all.
( Thursday, April 20th )
( Saturday, April 22nd )
( Monday April 24th )
( Wednesday April 26th )
( Thursday April 27th )
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/happy.gif){kind=small}
busy week, great night.Apr. 22nd, 2006
05:15 am - mistake.
anyone who reads this, which i seriously think no one does, i apologize in advance for any typos or grammer errors. i'm doing the best i can but at the moment, it's hard to focus.
( click here for more... if you dare, )
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/silly.gif){kind=small}
fucking mistakesApr. 15th, 2006
12:04 am - The California Chronicles, Chapter 10: MEXICO OR BUST!
on the 12th, I, along with some friends went to TJ, Mexico. my friends Joey, Cory, and Dustin, which i met Dustin and Cory on the side of the street in Hollywood. Pretty creepy right... but they sold us tickets to a concert at the knitting factory. Dustin is the Acoustic gutiarist in a band called The Filament, which were playing that that night and Cory is his best friend and was with him when he sold us the tickets. They are both really great people.
Meeting the two of them has been one of the best expierence i've had in California. We had made so many plans to chill together in the past 3 weeks, and today we get a text message saying that they were gonna go to Mexico and asked if Joey and I wanted to come along, for fun of course. This is finally an opportunity for me to do something else besides go to Hollywood or Universal City. And to make things better, i have never been to Mexico, neither had Joey, Dustin, or Cory.
Dustin picked us up at about 5 pm and we drove there in his convertable with the top is down. Cory was sleeping most of the trip. And traffic was a bitch. it was practically stand still. but then it broke up and it was smooth sailing all the way to the border.
"We're off to see the wizard..the wonderful wizard of.... Mexico!!" Joey got on a "wizard of oz" kick and made it official. Each of us have a Wizard Of Oz character... Joey is Todo, I am the lion, Dustin is the scarecrow, and Cory is Dorthy. "We are goin to the Emerald City...of TJ!!!" she exclaimed with joy.
( the journey continues... )
( Phobias )
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/sleepy.gif){kind=small}
long trip across the border.Apr. 2nd, 2006
11:54 am - ... oh, joy! wonderous rapture! :-|
01101111 01101000 00101100 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100111 01101111 01100100 00100001 00100000 01101001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01010011 01001111 01001111 00100000 01100010 01101111 01110010 01100101 01100100 00100001 00100001 00100001 00100000 01101001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01101100 01110000 00101110 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01101001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101101 00101100 00100000 01101010 01100101 01100110 01100110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101010 01101111 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01110010 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01000110 01000001 01010010 00100000 01000110 01000001 01010010 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110111 01100001 01111001 01110011 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01101100 01101100 00101100 00100000 01101010 01100101 01100110 01100110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01110011 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01111001 01100101 01100001 00101100 00100000 01101001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 00100000 01100110 01101001 01111000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110101 01110000 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01100011 01100101 00100000 00111010 00101101 01111100 00100000 00101000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100001 01110111 01100001 01110010 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101100 01100001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110010 01100101 01101101 01100001 01110010 01101011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110011 01100001 01110010 01100011 01100001 01110011 01101101 00101110 00101001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110011 01110100 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01101001 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01111000 01110100 00100000 01100001 01100100 01100100 01101001 01100011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01000101 01010110 01000101 01010010 01011001 01001111 01001110 01000101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101100 00101110
in other news, last night, some guy started messaging me on myspace and asked if i would fuck him. he was really pushing it, why?, i dunno. he even went so far as to say "my penis wants you. you can play with him." i kept telling him no and i even had to scream, literally, at him "no, i don't want your penis." anyways, he thought taht insulting me after i had so clearly rejected him would restore the damage i had just done to his pride so he was saying i'm some fat miserable little girl who is confused and was molested as a child... the fat part, maybe; miserable, at times but who isn't,; confused, not at all. i know myself and what i want pretty damn well... at least better than others my age; molested, HELL FUCKING NO!!!! i have a wonderful family whom have NEVER laid a hand on me. again, i must say, guys are SO LAME!!!! but anyways, it was a nice good laugh. nut it makes me wonder if anyone actually bothers to read my myspace profile... i put right up there that i DON'T do fuck and runs, yet they keep asking... hrm... discouraging.
and today, SIX FLAGS AGAIN!!!!! i love roller coasters. and thanks to jeff, i can go to six flags everyday if i wanted to and ride coasters all day, every day. very, very SQUEE!!!
00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00101100 00100000 01101001 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101010 01100101 01100110 01100110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101010 01101111 01100101 01111001 00100000 00101000 01100101 01100001 01100011 01101000 00101100 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101110 01100111 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00101001 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01101111 01101000 00101100 00100000 01101010 01101111 01111001 00101110 00100000 00111010 00101101 01111100 00100000 00101000 01100001 01100111 01100001 01101001 01101110 00101100 00100000 01110011 01100001 01110010 01100011 01100001 01110011 01101101 00101110 00101001
**i'll add some phobias later. i don't currently have my notes since i'm at jeff's in thousand oaks and my notebook is in woodland hills.**
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/okay.gif){kind=small}
yay...Mar. 28th, 2006
06:21 am - California Chronicles, Chapter 9: Perhaps The Most Boring One
lol, as always, there has to be some level of drama in my life. grrr. here is the latest batch.
( March 22, 2006 )
( March 23,2006 )
( March 24,25,26,27, 2006 )
( Phobias )
hate drama, love hollywoodMar. 21st, 2006
04:11 am - California Chronicles, Chapters 5-8...
sorry i haven't written sooner, for those who read this. the weirdest couple of days have recently occured and i have just been rush, rush, rush.
SUMMARY
st. patrick's day~
this really awesome guy named jeff that i met the first night i was here had been spending a lot of time with me since i got here. in fact, he's the reason i have seen as much as i have. he took me to hollywood and has been buying me dinner almost every night. he's such a sweetie. well, he took me and joey out to eat and then to a bar called the port for st. patrick's day. there were live bands and a d.j. and just tons of awesome people. i danced all night with joey and jeff was being the "ladies man" that he is and was getting hit on from all sides. joey gave me a HUGE hickey, i befriended a pacific islander named "black bear" (he was the bouncer there) and, don't ask me how but at some point, jeff and i kissed outside. ( st. patrick's day, continued... )
saturday, march 18th~
i had slept a LONG time and woke up late and began cleaning up the mess i had made with the vomiting and the blood and the dizziness and it sucked because my head was throbbing so bad. jeff came over after work and he changed his clothes and then went to sleep on the bed while joey and i got ready. ( March 18th, continued... )
sunday, march 19th~
joey and i woke up late. jeff had left to run errands and so we both just lounged in his place. jeff returned and then we got dressed. jeff took us to Six Flags. he bought all three of us season passes so we can all go again and often. it was so great. he took us to lunch and then we went to the park and we rode tons of roller coasters and we all acted slightly dorky and were messing with each other. we were all biting each other and slapping and joey and i kept using jeff as a heater. when we got cold, we'd lift his shirt and place our cold hands on his back or his stomach. ( March 19th, continued... )
monday, march 20th~
tonight, jeff came over and we all went out to eat and to the mall. before we left, he and i were playing around and he kep tackling me and he even put me in a head lock. :-| what a dork! lol. i stole his phone, he stole my watch and we had a stand off, lol. we left and laughed and played, as always. ate dinner, rented movies and then came back to the hotel. joey got online and jeff and i picked a movie and layed down on the bed together and watched it. he kept falling asleep. ( March 20th, continued... )
so, there you have it. not terribly exciting but my life as it has been for the past couple days.
( Phobias )
best st. patty's day yetMar. 17th, 2006
06:15 pm - California Chronicles, Chapter 4: Hollywood and the World
last night was the most incredible night! joey, my best friend, and jeff, a guy i met out here who is really cool, and i all went out to a club last night. i had no idea what to expect. i thought we were going to a hip hop or techno club. *shrugs* anyways, we drive to hollywood and it was just so awesome. i felt like a little kid as we were driving. my head was darting from side to side, looking out the window with a doofy grin on my face and the only thing i could think was, "damn! why didn't i remember to bring the camera!" anyways, we got a little lost, which didn't bother me in the slightest. i was having a ball. we finally find the club and go park. it was called "The World". from the outside, it sounded a little like techno so i was kind of relieved. i didn't really want to go to a hip-hop club. we go in, pass through a black curtain and i nearly dropped to the floor in excitement. it was a goth/industrial club!!!!! omg!!! it was so incredible. there were screens hanging from the ceiling playing these awesome shorts that went with the music and there was a stage at the far end and two bowes at the other ends of the dance floor. i was so excited. everywhere i looked, leather and vinyl, mohawks, platform boots, hair of EVERY color, chains, and spikes. ^_^ every one was off in their own little world, just dancing and throwing their arms and legs in every direction. joey even asked me "how do you dance to this?" (goth isn't really her style in clothes or music.) i told her, "you just go. there is no beat you have to find, there aren't any steps you have to hit. just feel the music and let it all go." she was nervous so she had a drink and then i got her on that dance floor and we both went non stop. i was like spell bound. it was so incredible. but then some guy came over and would not leave joey alone. he was pulling up her skirt even! she kept moving away from him but he kept following her around the dance floor. she was getting really upset by it. jeff comes over and she lied and said he was her boyfriend but the guy didn't get the hint and then tried to get her number. what a loser. then, to top it all off, i saw the most amazing man. he was up on one of the boxes and i was hypnotized. he was the most incredible dancer i had seen. i wanted to talk to him but he stayed on the box like all night and i was too shy and nervous to really approach him. oh, well. next time.
then we went walking up and down the walk of fame and we went to the chinese theatre. we were all like chessy tourists, putting our hands and feet in all the impressions and giggling and just have fun. we started back to the car and on the way, we read off the names on the stars and laughed and i had to shake my head at some of the names... i won't even dignify them on here. on the way to the car, passer-bys were hitting on us... well, hitting on joey. they kind of ignored jeff and me. oh, well.
we get back and head back to the hotel but first we went to denny's and ate something. then we parted ways, jeff drove home and joey and i went up to our room and went to sleep. it was an amazing night... next time, i remember the camera, lol.
best night EVER!Mar. 15th, 2006
03:09 pm - California Chronicles, Chapter 3: R.I.P. dear jenn (hehehe)
when i first told everyone i was coming to california to visit my best friend, they all said, "be careful." and "everyone out there is fake." and similiar warnings. yet, come to find out, it was someone in ohio that could do, and did do, the most bizarre, ironic, and in my mind, funny thing to me and my friend out here. let me try to explain this the best i can. my best friend, jenn (whom i call joey for reasons that i will never tell), is dead. she was made this way by her father. the only reason i know this was because he signed her death certificate. she went to work the other day and they checked her i.d. and she came up in the computer as dead. kinda weird huh? the full back story is this, her dad hates her for either being a porn star, or maybe cause she's bi and he's a massive homophobe, god only knows what the real reason is. truth be told, sheldon (her dad) is a total dickhead and has been trying to fuck joey up for the longest time. first, he told her boss that he was in the FBI and that joey was only 15 and a runaway. the truth: she's 21, he kicked her out and he's a mechanic. when that plan to fuck her up didn't work, he went to a coroner or a funeral home or something and got her declared as dead. sheldon even signed the death certificate so we know it was him. we don't know how he did it without having a body or anything but he did it. anyways, 2 days ago, joey went to work and that's when we found out. we don't know exactly when it was filed or how she "died" cause we were both kinda shocked.
in summation, she is very much alive, is technically dead, and i have been playing with a corpse this whole trip. did someone say, "SQUEE!"? oh yeah, i did! necrophilia; (technical or actual) who says dreams don't come true ;P. i think this is the funniest thing ever. maybe i'm just weird but joey and i are thrilled.
( Phobias )
heheMar. 14th, 2006
03:16 am - what a fucking waste
you know, i had hoped that my being away wouldn't bother anyone, but for some odd reason, every one seems to be acting like i'm on another fucking planet. god damn! just because i'm not in the same state as i was a week ago you dickheads think it's okay to treat me like shit. i'm the same person i always was, the person you met and decided to befriend and now you act like i'm not fucking good enough for you to talk to? what the hell is wrong with you? you all act like because i moved, i'm not your friend anymore. hell, i even have a few people who said that if i was their friend at all, i would stay and that i was being selfish by moving! fuck you. none of you had to live my shitty little life of disappointments, pain, and depression. you have no idea what kind of hell i endured every god damned day. i never wanted people's pity so i hide what really goes on in my world and make you all think i'm fine so i don't have you people acting like you know who i am when you don't. is it that hard of a concept for you all to grasp that ohio is a fucking dead end for me and has always been and that just being inside it borders make me fucking suicidal? no, i don't think so. you'd rather have me dead and in the ground than another state. well, i'm not fucking selfish for wanting a life and happiness. you all want the same thing so does that mean you're selfish for pursuing it? i'm not going to die for the sake of keeping a few "friends" and i use that term loosly. if you don't want to be my friend anymore cause i moved, then have the fucking balls to tell me to me face instead of doing this whole pussy bit where you ignore me and hope i go away. and if you really are my friend, what the fuck is wrong with you for acting this way? you should be glad that i'm trying to be happy, that i got away from my dead end, out of my rut. you should be supportive of me instead of being such pathetic bastards who are pissed over god knows what, that i got out, that i left, that you are still stuck where you are. get the fuck over your hang ups, grow up a bit and start acting like a fucking friend instead of some childish moron.
fucking "friends"Mar. 12th, 2006
12:15 pm - the california chronicles, chapters 1 and 2
well, here's a recap of my trip so far. it's long and kinda boring. read on if you wish. i'll load pictures later.
( March 10th, 2006 )
( March 11th, 2006 )
( Phobias )
lack of sleep, grrrrMar. 9th, 2006
04:47 pm - phixius
well, this is it. i fly out tomorrow. this will be my first flight ever and i'm a little scared about it. not as in "omg! the plane is gonna crash in a big ball of fire!!!!" but as in once we take off, that's it. no second chances, no going back, no u-turns... though that would be fun if a plane made a u-turn. hehe. it's all so overwhelming to me to know that, by this time next week, i'll be on the other side of the country. i hope i don't fall flat on my face.
i talked to my friend last night about if the plane crashed. he had just returned from a trip and had hoped the plane would crash so that he could eat someone. cannibalism: human, the other OTHER white meat. ;P. unfortunately, his plane didn't crash. well, i said, if it happened, i'd like to die and become a ghost and haunt people. here is a small chunk of the conversation. i just thought it was the funniest thing.
Mindsuckr [1:54 AM]: aww, i hope your flight goes well
Mindsuckr [1:54 AM]: and if there are troubles i hope it kills you outright
Mindsuckr [1:54 AM]: ;)
Vampiricathena [1:55 AM]: lmao, that's so sweet...
Vampiricathena [1:56 AM]: a well wish in the form of "i hope you die"
Mindsuckr [1:56 AM]: hehe :D
i died laughing when he said that.
( Phobias )
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/scared.gif){kind=small}
putting to flightMar. 5th, 2006
12:25 am - what felt right
tonight, i practically turned myself inside out. since july of last year, my life has been a very confusing tumble. it all is one big, terrible blur. today, i decided to surrender myself to it all and just force myself to deal with it all. so, i've been rolling over in my head all day what was, what is, what will be, what i'll lose, what i'll gain and, although i knew it would, the knowledge of it all and the concept has been crushing me, breaking my heart and sending me into a downward spiral. needless to say i've been non-stop tears all day. i tried to deal with this all internally but i just can't so i decided to vent it all here. read on if you wish but it's just a bunch of "bitching".
not to dwell on it or to attempt to envoke pity, but i lost the only home i had ever known, moved to a place that not only is very unfamiliar to me (as in i used to know at least 10 different ways to get to and from my old house to just about anywhere in the state and now, i have to use yahoo maps for everything!) but i moved to the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! i live on a dirt road, been here more than 6 months and have yet to SEE a neighbor let alone meet them. i swear this place breeds insanity. there is nothing. no sound, no motion, just still isolation.
then, again, not to dwell or envoke pity, my sister, whom i have never really been apart from for any extended period of time, moves to north carolina. this girl, although she drives me crazy, has been by my side through some of the hardest things i've ever faced. she has always been there. and now she's gone.
next, my aunt brought my parents this HEAVY but awesome massge chair and i was helping her move it and i stepped wrong. normally, you wouldn't think it would be such a big deal but it's an extremely bad thing in my case. since about the age of 13, i've suffered from a rare (for someone of my age then and now) disorder. i was diagnosed with something called "bilateral patella femoral syndrome", which is a degenerative disorder that is not only a problem i can never get rid of but it's also VERY painful. and when i stepped wrong, i could feel the tendons and muscles in my knees tear apart. so for the past few weeks, i've been in INCREDIBLE pain with no medication that can help and no luck of seeing a doctor for at least another few months. and, though the pain i can handle, after all, i've felt it the past 7 years, but the fact that i did some major damage to it and i can't fix it now scares me. the longer i let this go, the worse the damage can get. so instead of a simple, yet annoying operation (that i've had twice already so it's no big), they may need to take more drastic measure to fix it. meaning instead of just having 2-4 metal rods jammed into my leg and things ripped and stitched as needed, they may need to split my leg wide open to fix it. oh, yay.
and now, to top it all off, i'm falling into a deep depression. with a move pending, the reality set in as i shopped for plane tickets today. "this is it. i'm leaving this place and all the people here." fear hit me at this realization. does this mean i'll lose them? so easy it is for people to grow apart and that even happens if you move just down the road. what will happen once i leave the state?
there is one person inparticular that i don't want to leave. i was only fortunate enough to gain him in my life recently (thanks, myspace ;D). i never thought that one person could effect me so quickly. he and i talk about things that no one else in my world has ever dared to consider. he makes me think and not many people i've met have been able to do that. he shows me angles and things that normally would have escaped me. i consider him my friend and i'm afraid that my leaving will cause my friendship with him to dissolve. i never want that to happen.
since the song i'm currently listening to seems to fit my current condition, i decided to list the lyrics. it's a good song. i recommend you listen to it if you've never heard it.
( 24 )
( Phobias )
crushedMar. 1st, 2006
12:56 am - i feel so loved!
a little while ago, a few weeks maybe, i made a sign for my good friend, jazh, who is so amazing in so many ways. it wasn't anything that special. just me holding a small sign that says "i <3 jazh". if you ask me, i think it looks kind of terrible but he liked it and put it up on his myspace page. he had promised to make me a sign but things kept coming up and he kept getting side tracked, which i didn't mind. so, a little over a week ago, he sent me a sign to, as he said, "hold me over". now, i loved it but he insisted on taking a new one. well tonight, he sent me the new ones. my jaw dropped when i saw them. i absolutely adore them! he had told me his idea for them and i thought it was awesome but to see the finished product, wow.... just wow! so, i thought i'd post them on here for me to remember and you to enjoy.
( nothing says love like blood shed )
self mutilation = friendsNavigate: (Previous 20 Entries)